do you what’s fun? Finding something that works

and feels good and makes you happy. I had tinkered around with IIFYM (if it fits your macros) before, but never actually strictly followed it. For the last four days I have stuck almost perfectly to it. And you know? By eating bagels and cheese and bacon and it’s been amazing. I think I’m finally figuring out the “diet” (and I don’t mean traditional diet, but the intake of the food into my body) that works best. 

Here’s my numbers that the IIFYM calculator came up with: 

Carbs: 135g, Protein 157g, Fats 64g. 

Since Sunday, my intakes have all been within <10g of each of these - today a smidge less protein, and a smidge more carbs: I wanted a glass of wine sue me. I think that made the protein like 25g too short and carbs 5 over. 

But still, I feel leaner and more comfortable in my own skin than I have in weeks. It’s amazing. 

I also realized that I function way better with a massive, high carb, high protein breakfast (this week being bacon, egg and cheese bagel sandwich - lane you’ve inspired me!) This breakfast literally keeps me full for 6 hours and keeps me energized, which at 4am - girl I need it. 

Then, each meal I have less and less carbs to meet my goal. Also the whole breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner format seems to work. Today’s it’s thrown off a little with traveling home, but still, I’m really proud of everything this week, 

I’ve even noticed the benefits in my workouts - squatted 95x5 no problem, pulled 105x5 on my deadlift with ease. I’m so happy I finally found something that’s working right now.  

This week is already 10x better than all of my last few combined and it&#8217;s leg day today :)

This week is already 10x better than all of my last few combined and it’s leg day today :)

(Source: ibmblr)

how to turn your friday around:
get up early to do morning updates
kill legs, even if the weight wasn&#8217;t what you hoped for. 
drink a nice iced coffee
get your phone back after a week without it.
see your dad and treat him to a DELICIOUS slice of new york white tomato basil pizza
go into the city two hours before your internship to enjoy the fantastic weather and catch on tumblr while being outside (aka best of both world)
put a smile on because you know no matter how many times you get pushed around you&#8217;re pretty good and pulling your shit together and getting back up

how to turn your friday around:

get up early to do morning updates

kill legs, even if the weight wasn’t what you hoped for. 

drink a nice iced coffee

get your phone back after a week without it.

see your dad and treat him to a DELICIOUS slice of new york white tomato basil pizza

go into the city two hours before your internship to enjoy the fantastic weather and catch on tumblr while being outside (aka best of both world)

put a smile on because you know no matter how many times you get pushed around you’re pretty good and pulling your shit together and getting back up

I just want to have one full happy week

Seriously. Enough with the continuous roller coaster. For example this week:

  • got a preliminary job offer with the company I intern at
  • got a 70 on a paper
  • took a hard exam
  • got stuck in an unexpected rainstorm and my phone broke
  • got yelled at numerous times this week for not answering said phone because i couldnt get a new one until today
  • first world problem - also had to work out without music this week because of it.
  • had decent workouts -pr’ed my deadluft, but had to do all my cardio on the elliptical this week because allergies have invaded my lungs and running was no bueno and leg day today kinda sucked.
  • ate pretty shitty
  • but had two fun nights with friends’
  • feeling pretty body shitty.
  • loving work and hating school this semester…

it’s just been so complicated and im tired of weeks on weeks of complicated. I just want happy and fun. and not to only put up 85 on my squat.

tomorrow I pull myself out of this funk

by the way just for some background today was such a roller coaster I can’t even. The company I intern at basically offered me a job after college (or even now) and they want to hear my demo tapes. I should be excited right?? Well I was until I got to class after and got back one of my papers and it had a 70 on it. That’s the lowest I’ve ever gotten on a paper. And my mood dropped. And my throat hurts and I feel like I’m getting sick.

NO. Enough God. Enough universe. Enough with the dumping. I’m putting a stop to it. I’m actually going to celebrate the fact that I’ve been kicking so much ass by: eating well (so I feel good inside and out), working out, and spending time with the people that make me feel good. 

Stop the pity partying. Stop the overeating. Stop the whining. Lets move on and pull it together.

(Ps. that means going to bed now for my darling 3am alarm) 

ranting and whining

I read one of Jess’s posts today and it really struck a chord with me. All of my posts on here are usually happy, peppy, yay I’m working out or oh I messed it up, but it’s fine I’m back on track. That’s not how it is a large part of the time. So here’s my brain dump, because there’s been a ton wrong with me over the last few weeks that isn’t the happiest stuff ever:

  • today it was a genuine struggle to get out of bed. I got up, ate grapefruit, got back in bed, got up, went out to get coffee, made breakfast, got back in bed, napped for a half hour to and then made myself leave my room so I wouldn’t get back into bed. 
  • One of my guy friends who to be blatantly honest fucked me over last year after sleeping with me decided last saturday while drunk to try and kiss me and tell me he wanted to be with me, not a month after telling me how he couldn’t date me but instead wanted my friend. You’re lonely and I’m in no mood to deal with super emotional guys, so I’ve had to deal with that all week. And he’s super emotional so trying to tell him this without wanting to ring his neck was difficult. 
  • I’ve seen the kid I was with earlier this year around with his new girl and every time I see them, I physically feel like I was punched in the stomach. I’ve never had someone complement me so well and make me so happy and then completely drop me on my ass and screw me over so I get that flood of emotions every time I see him. Which is often considering he lives on the floor above me. 
  • I binged today. On a delicious sandwich and then a massive, sickening amount of pretzels and nutella. I felt it coming and I let it happen. I didn’t have the energy to fight back today.
  • The only time I’ve been legitimately happy this week was Wednesday when I went out with my newspaper staff. I love them and they make me feel better about myself. 
  • I had a shitty start to the week with my internship where the producer I work with basically said he didn’t want me in studio with him anymore, but had to change that real quick because the on-air talent was pissed as hell he sent me away and they called him out for it on national radio. Working with him this week should be fun. 
  • My grandma’s dementia is quickly progressing and I’m sad because I’m away at school and I can’t spend as much time as I want to with her.
  • My grandpa also needs a stent put in his heart. The whole family is nervous because he has a pacemaker, just had a stent put in earlier this year, and his heart has already undergone double bypass surgery so at 92 with a weak heart, we’re terrified about him going under the knife.
  • I just want to go home so badly but I can’t because I have so much going on at school.
  • I’ve never felt this alone in a very long time. That’s why I’ve been keeping up with exercise - it’s productive alone time and I always feel better after.
  • I’m tearing up as I type this because I’ve been suppressing everything for so long in front of everyone, putting on a happy face and like jess said, it’s not always happy on here.   
I&#8217;ve been feeling kind of in a funk but grapefruit, coffee and a homemade bacon egg and cheese sandwich can help.

I’ve been feeling kind of in a funk but grapefruit, coffee and a homemade bacon egg and cheese sandwich can help.

well I’ve been MIA

But surprisingly I’ve done a half way decent job of keeping myself on track. Here’s a snapshot of some of the food and pictures you’ve all missed while I was busy as hell (which doesn’t mean I wasn’t creeping on all of you on my dash haha)

and what else did you miss, well here’s a list because lists are my fave: 

  • I’ve been doing pretty ok keeping up with exercise despite being ridiculously swamped with work. I only skipped one day this week so far which is awesome. 
  • I got a fantastic shout out at work which is kinda the bomb - I love where I work. 
  • I also love my board at the school newspaper I run - got to get drunk with them last night haha
  • I’ve had some really awesome body positive days.
  • I’ve been meal planning and I’ll say I’ve stuck with it maybe 75-25 which is way better.
  • I did just have wine cookies and a cupcake for dinner though…
  • I need to stop self sabotaging, I mean i eat fantastic and do great things for a few days and then eat like crap. 
  • Had a weird week personally this one - drama with one of my guy friends telling me he liked me, but I actually think it’s just because he’s lonely. 
  • Also got to see my ex-thing and his new girl a few times and just ew gross. 
  • I also slept a ton last week - not as much this week and I’m planning to hardcore sleep this weekend. - this includes sleeping through a class, which was not intended at all. 
  • I went for a run today and it was so pretty out and the fact that it felt like spring makes me so happy. 

K, so I’m going to try not to go missing for a week again, because I miss blogging. Stupid work and school getting in the way - how dare they. 

I haven&#8217;t posted in forever oops still alive. This BLTA salad though man mhmmm.

I haven’t posted in forever oops still alive. This BLTA salad though man mhmmm.